Unexpected.

My sister, fresh out of the first six week newborn stupor, recently said to me, "Nobody ever tells you it is this hard."

My response?

"Yes, we do. No one listens."

Isn't that true for all of life's curve balls?
  We have to experience life, and its' unexpected shifts in motion and changes in velocity.  We have to feel, in order to truly understand.

I always knew I wanted to be a mother.  Though, I also always knew that it was my life's destiny to do something alongside raising children.  I knew my heart had enough steel to handle more. My experiences in life that some would call "painful," I have chosen to use for good.  There is so much hidden strength found in our ability to choose.  And, I choose joy.

As I thought back to my motherhood expectations before I had children, I realized that they focused on vivid pictures of supporting; watching my son play football, standing next to my daughter as she got dressed for Prom. 
Future memories...that was what I wanted.

I don't believe there is a mother who anticipates the journey of raising a child with special needs, and that's okay.  We learn really quickly how to survive. We wear masks of smiles and drink lots of caffeine to hide the worry that encompasses sleepless nights. We are strong. 

But...hidden beneath all of the struggle, is the most sincere understanding of purpose.  We know that our children hold value.  We learn how to fight for them.  We feel love so deeply, that my meager attempt at words could not justify.  

I certainly did not anticipate my motherhood experience to have brought with it an honorary doctorate level degree in genetics.  I did not anticipate sleeping in hospital chairs having not used a bar of soap in days.  I did not anticipate mail-order pharmacy confusion and debit card denials at the grocery store due to unforeseen medical expenses. 

But, the really cool thing is, I did not anticipate the strength I found within myself to hold my baby as I thought he may not make it through the night.  I did not anticipate having the ability to organize and direct events for fundraising that would profit thousands of dollars.  I did not anticipate the overwhelming sense of direction and peace that has come with choosing to turn our struggle into joy.

I get this good stuff, because of the hard stuff.  

And, I am okay with that.

I wish I could adequately express my gratitude to each of you, whether in person or spirit,  for experiencing our morning with us yesterday.  Rough totals are showing a marked increase over last year's proceeds and I am excited to share the final numbers as they become available.  I'd like to say I'm surprised to see the love and support shown for my boy, but honestly...I get it.  He has a way, doesn't he?  He makes me want to be better, do better and live better, every single day.  I hope he was able to touch you yesterday as well.

Here's to those unexpected miracles...take a few minutes to enjoy them today.

*Photo taken by Steve Peters at Deak's Run 2012