Sunday, April 28, 2013


About a year or so ago, I began the process of accepting that Deak may not ever walk truly unassisted in this life. He was turning 6, and I knew the research; research that I should know better than to pay attention to. I was private in my grief, ashamed of the fact that although I never gave up hoping, I knew that the loss of this stage of development equated to a loss of several independent stages that I had always hoped were going to be available to my boy.

I knew I needed time to heal.

Deakon has been blessed with an amazing team of teachers this year. Teachers who believe in pursuing and exceeding expectations. Teachers who truly love; love enough to know that sometimes the easiest way is not the best way. These women have challenged Deak to become better and stronger. They have given him opportunities to trust his own abilities, and they chose not to give up. Ever.

This year at school Deakon has advanced from enduring walking in his walker, to thriving while walking in his walker, to walking with assistance using only a dowel, to walking with minimal assistance using only a small handkerchief to hold onto. He does this walking continually, for 6-7 hours a day at school.

He can walk.

While sleeping, I used to dream often of my boy walking by my side, his little blond curls bouncing with the breeze. I dreamt of holding his hand in grocery stores and watching him walk towards the playground at the park all on his own. These dreams although beautiful and personal, could also at times be heavy to bear. Not knowing if they were meant to be actualized in this life or in the next.

This morning, I awoke to the sound of joyful squealing and laughing. When I realized that the sound was close, I opened my eyes. I opened them just in time to see my son walking across the room to my bedside, a giant smile plastered across his face as he thought he had gotten away with stealing my iPad.

I took a moment to feel, and my heart swelled with gratitude.
I no longer only see my son walking in my dreams.
I am awake.

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  1. Beautiful. I long for this in our world too.

  2. Greetings Jenny! Great post, truly touching. I'm Heather and I was hoping you could answer my question about your blog! My email is Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com :-)